nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
