Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
That's intense
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
