I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
