You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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