So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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