Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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