i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
