The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
