you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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