I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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