She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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