he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
