Sry I called you an 8
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
