No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
