I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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