2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
false alarm, still single
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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