Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
