its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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