in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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