her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
