I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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