I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
