so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
