He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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