We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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