so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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