You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
