Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
