When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
