carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
