Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
why is half of my head shaved?
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