I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
