i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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