I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
