Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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