my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
