what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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