Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
