Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
