apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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