I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize