I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
