There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
