Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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