I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
