so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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