two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
