do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
