omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
