Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
