Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize