dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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