i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
