"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And then my night got REAL pukey
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
