Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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