I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
