it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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