I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
