Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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