I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
