It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
