After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
