also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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