He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The Olympian is in my bed
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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