There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
