I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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