I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
