she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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