Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There r osticjed everywhere
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
