I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I am available for nakedness
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