watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
