I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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