im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
