Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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