If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
