Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
