so explain again why im purple
no
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
